Beyond Here Lies Nothin'




The mistaken idea when it seems like someone is speaking about this apparent subject of nonduality is that there is some one speaking about this apparent subject of nonduality. So you get this idea that, hey, this person has had this cool nonduality thingie happen, and it sounds kinda awesome, at least to some people who feel they can’t get their life to work right or maybe have spent way too many years looking for some ultimate truth and meaning or maybe they have just been so overwhelmed with life they want to escape to some higher plane and get a taste of that oneness and unconditional love and whatchamacallit stuff these gurus and speakers are always talking about. Or even be like some ordinary looking bloke who says he’s not a "me" and now seems pretty mellow, maybe not blissed-out and wearing a cool mystical outfit like the guru on the throne-like seat in the ashram, but that’ll do, still seems better than your life with the troubled kids and unhappy spouse and unfulfilling job and every day getting scared to death cause people are shooting up Walmart or the local high school and all over the world there’s plagues and wars and stuff that interrupts the peace of sitting on the couch eating thrice-fried fries while watching your favorite reality TV cooking show.

So, yeah, anyway, it seems like you want what they got. Then they say they ain’t got nothing, no one’s got nothing, no one’s no one, and it makes no sense, but whatever, you just wanna drink the kool-aid, you’re all in, maybe you can lose this energetic contraction thingie they keep talking about like it’s a too-tight dress you wear to show off your butt and boobs, whatever, just make the “me” go away.

But the part that won’t ever feel very good is realizing they’re not talking about someone who got something or lost something or found something or changed or transformed or disappeared. It sounds that way, cause the language is clunky and it seems like everyone loves making up concepts even if they say they don’t mean anything. But there’s no where to get, no thing to see, no one to know; there’s just the same thing that’s not really anything but whatever it seems, just as it appears.

Yeah. Sorry to break it to you, but there is no special insight or knowing or place of higher or deeper or more exalted awareness, and the neighbor’s dog barking and the baby crying and the sullen teenager you can’t believe you gave birth to looking at you like an enemy soldier as she’s wearing some outfit out of a Mad Max movie and the boss that doesn’t get the sexual harassment memo and the church choir where you love singing Hillsong’s Oceans and cry (even though you can’t tell anyone there you haven’t believed in Jesus ever since you saw Unmani in Seattle eight years ago), and the little league games for your youngest and how you get lost in the timelessness when the ball seems to take forever to fall like a shooting star into the middle of the outfield and he runs after it like he's in slow-motion, and the celebrity chef on TV who makes you laugh and try cooking foods you never heard of before, and your husband who worries that you’re not happy and asks what he can do until sometimes you want to kill him and then you want to resurrect him and yourself and your entire family like Lazarus from a grave of life you imagine you live in as you feel desperate to give all of you the freedom you believe those imaginary characters on the nondual sites and videos must have...

....when you are already only ever living in that freedom and love and whatever silly words are spoken by those people on your screen who make it sound like they are talking about something special called nothing at all, cause it always is and never was nothing and everything and this and not even any of it.... just life appearing, and you can turn off the nonduality channel and throw away your spiritual books and just go take a walk in the morning fog and you will be as enlightened as anyone will ever be, as enlightened as anyone ever was, disappearing into the morning mist of what isn’t ever lost and can’t be found because you are already it, and no one and no thing that seems to appear in this dream of a life has ever been or will ever be more beautifully heartbreaking or more heartbreakingly beautiful than you, just as you are.....

......always only ever this love, my beloveds … 💓

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