This Terrible Love, a journal of nonduality

  This is not about any thing. This is not about some person that somehow inexplicably becomes some other person. This is not about someone becoming wise. This is not about suddenly knowing the answers to the questions you asked all your life. This is not about becoming a better person. This is not about feeling more loving. This is not about being a kinder human being. This is not about all the things we might have imagined or hoped it would be about. This is not a story of a perfect human being walking out of the ashes of an ordinary human being. This is not about seeing everything as it is, only seeing what isn't and never was. There is no one who can change or improve or understand. The very same patterns and habits of life may repeat, though some may be altered. But patterns of what we label behavior change all the time without any shift; someone quits drinking, someone turns into a murderer, someone becomes an activist, someone falls in love. There is no sage who sudden

The world and everyone in it,  everyone I ever loved,  everyone I ever feared,  everyone I ever hated,  everyone who let me down and betrayed me,  everyone who loved me and said the gentlest words  when I was sad so that their concern made me cry,  everyone who lied to me,  everyone who tried to tell me the truth,  everyplace I had come to hold dear and call home,  everything I believed gave my life meaning,  every emotion that swept through me like a hurricane,  every story of who I was and wanted to be...   all washed away in the tsunami of love  that crashed upon the shore of illusion  where the entire universe existed---  the universe inside my brain,  the only one that had ever been-- and the universe itself vanished into a black hole... with the places and people and the girl in the mirror  who tried so hard to be  what she believed she was supposed to be    and it feels like death,  yet also birth  into a dream,  filled beyond comprehension  with love and wonder  and no thing  a